I'm not sure San Francisco necessarily has the most entertaining voter's guide of any municipality on earth (Hello, New Orleans?), but it's certainly somewhere in the top ten.
The list of Words You Need To Know (mostly phrases, actually) reads like a free-association riff on the election itself: Absentee Ballot, Annual Budget, Baseline, Car-Share Vehicle, Charter Amendment, Charter-Created City Boards and Commissions, Charter-Created Citizens Advisory Committees, Declaration of Policy, Downtown, Exempt, Fiscal Year, General Fund, General Obligation Bond, Hold-Over, Initiative, Low-Emission Vehicle, Municipal Transportation Agency (MTA), Ordinance, Planning Commission, Proposition, Qualified Write-In Candidate, Revenue Bonds, Service Hours, Set-Aside, Street Furniture, Super-Majority, Supervisorial District, Zoning Districts.
Alas, if only Phil Frank were still alive, I think he'd be able to rearrange that to something that could be set to music.
This year, the real fun is to be found among the twelve candidates for mayor. Our current mayor, Gavin Newsom, spent the year getting over his divorce, admitting he had an affair with his friend's wife, and getting treated for alcohol abuse. And he has trouble reading the news. All-in-all, the citizens aren't terribly concerned about having the reincarnation of New York's Gentleman Jimmy Walker as mayor. Tourists are showing up again, and South of Market construction is finishing what the Dot-Com boom started - driving anyone with an income under $100,000 out of the city.
So under those circumstances, nobody really wanted to run against the mayor. Well, that's not exactly true. Lots of people have signed up to run against Newsom. Nobody named Alioto, Gonzalez, or Ammiano are running. Just a list of the occupations is entertaining: Publisher and SF Bulldog, Writer/Nudist Activist, Juvenile Probation Manager, Florist/Coffee Farmer, Vegan Taxicab Driver, Program Director, Mayor of San Francisco, College Professor, Nightclub Owner, Showman, Physician, Journalist.
Now, I admit that there's nothing inherently funny about the idea of a Physician, Journalist, Program Manager, or any of the others becoming mayor. Of course, I kind of question whether "vegan taxicab driver" is actually an occupation. Taxicab driver, yes. Vegan, not so much. And some of these people even have thoughtful and well-written platforms.
Then there's the stuff like this:
This is a One Issue campaign which is to Make Golden Gate Park Clothing Optional like the major urban parks in Europe. . . [Uh, dude. Dejeuner sur l'herbe is not an accurate portrayal of "major urban parks in Europe".]
I am a 63 year old straight white man. [Stop stealing Quentin Kopp's platform!]
My creation of the Power Exchange adult sexual liberation experience shows my capacity to embrace every kind of alternative lifestyle and manage multiple environments housed in one totally law-abiding and successful business. [Uh . . . no, I've got nothing to say to that one.]
Perhaps the most eloquent statement is by Showman "Chicken John," who says, Am I dumb enough to think I can win? Not really. But I do believe I can win the losing vote . . . . C'mon, it'll be fun. Vote for me.
No, I just can't bring myself to that. If only Sister Boom Boom would come out of retirement like a San Francisco Cincinnatus to show them all how it's done.
[Actually, now that I read this, I can't believe that I'm the first to mention either the Dejeuner sur l'herbe or the Quentin Kopp jokes. Did I just repeat them from some vague memory?]
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